The Most Radical Thing: Learn to love yourself
I read a quote somewhere (and if you find it/know it, please share it with us) that went along the lines of that a girl learning to love herself is the greatest threat to capitalism.
It’s also radical.
Radical self-love is the denial of so many things we think we need in order to be loved or lovable. It’s the denial of diets, shape-wear, relationships, toxic friendships, perfectionism, people pleasing, loose boundaries… I could go on!
So I want to talk about the ways in which we can love ourself so much so that we CHANGE THE WORLD. Yes, I’m thinking big this week.
TOOLS
There are three categories people start to consider when on the self-love journey and I want to first talk about tools in which we look at the body journey.
First, we have being body positive. Positivity in general can be toxic. Sometimes it’s an avoidance of the stuff that is hard, uncomfortable and messy. Being body positive is a way to build yourself up but it doesn’t allow you to sit in the stuff that doesn’t feel so good.
A next step then is embarking on the body acceptance movement. Now, acceptance is glorious AND hard. It takes into account the things we cannot change, the messy things that cause us discomfort and also allows us to still choose to be okay. Acceptance is great!
But body love is where the good stuff lives. Body love is accepting AND being positive. It’s being unconditional in your approach to yourself. It’s seeing the imperfections and choosing not only to accept but LOVE your imperfections. It’s offering grace and kindness.
GRATITUDE
So when you enter into the self-LOVE chapter, kindness and gratitude are essential. Some activities I like to do with clients:
Write down all the things that make you proud of yourself.
Reflect on all the things that other people have done for you that shows how much people care about you.
Write down all your favorite parts of yourself.
This next week, try doing random acts of kindness for yourself. It’s Random Act of Kindness Week and why not? Get yourself flowers, take yourself on a scenic drive, treat yourself to a latte, write yourself a love note, put affirmations on your mirror, or book yourself a therapy session ;)
INNOVATION
The reason many people call it “radical” self-love is because self-love inherently goes against what most of us have been taught. Perhaps not taught in our families by loved ones, but by cultural and societal behavior.
The BIPOC population has been repeatedly shown that their lives do not matter.
Women have been shown they matter less.
Sexual assault victims shown they are not believable.
LGBTQIA members told they are not equal.
Larger bodies told they are not enough.
Disabled humans shown they are not wanted.
Many, many, many humans told they are unworthy, unequal, unqualified, undeserving, ignored, gaslighted and abused.
So to take those lessons, obstacles and the systematic injustice and learn how to love yourself in spite of it all? That’s pretty radical.
FEELS
Practicing self-love in a world that makes it really, really hard to love yourself exactly as you are is a tough journey. I feel it.
I feel like I never stop trying and trying again to love myself, and I am a cis-gender white female.
With every new chapter I’m in, I face a new expectation from (maybe myself too…) the world. I’m not a victim, but it’s a reality that there are just expectations put upon us to be seen as “good enough”.
Don’t be your own enemy…there are enough of those out there. <3
Click here to learn more about therapy for disordered eating.
