Why Difficult People are Important
In my newsletter last week, I wrote about…difficult people. Noticing how we feel and react when dealing with difficult people, finding appreciation during difficult moments together, and understanding and learning from others even when it can be difficult is important. Take a peak at what I shared with the Reset community and sign up for our email list so you don’t miss another TGIF newsletter.
Difficult people… infuriating, yes? The people who do not respect your boundaries, are emotionally unaware, selfish, narcissistic, disrespectful, ignorant… Okay, I could go on but I do not want to totally trip you out this early in the morning!
The thing about difficult people is that it is our natural tendency to fight, flee or freeze when it comes to dealing with them since they ignite our stress response. For me, I love to just run away, cut the person off and not deal with them ever again. Sometimes that works but most of the time I have no choice to have that person in my life.
So, I’ve figured out a way to manage the difficult people in my life with grace and not let them take away my control and positive energy. I’ll show you how you can too.
TOOLS
Dealing with difficult people sparks our stress response, which is why you’ll typically see yourself lashing out at the person, walking away from them or simply isolating yourself and numbing out in response. But what if there is a 4th option to the fight, flee or freeze?
There is. The fourth option is feel.
A difficult person is here to teach us something. In order to learn that lesson, we have to resist the urge to react and instead sit in the feeling of dealing with that person.
GRATITUDE
You must ask yourself, “what is it about this person that triggers me and shows me where I still have work to do?”
You see, the difficult person is your teacher.
Rather than try and fight, flee or numb yourself, try and see how they may be in your life to teach you something about yourself. I know it’s much easier to just write someone off. That may still be the end result, but in the meantime, try and learn something because of the person.
For example, if your difficult person happens to most likely be a narcissist (as a lot of difficult people in our lives are), how do they teach you where you still have work to do? Do they test your boundaries? Do you want to “fix” them and jump into control mode? Do you need to learn to focus on just yourself and not try to be right?
INNOVATION
You see, the act of understanding and learning from this person is actually an act in self love.
Surviving the relationship or rising above is learning to love yourself even more. You are learning where you have growing edges, where you can be more thoughtful, where you can reset priorities, and maybe also where you can forgive.
And forgiveness is about you, not about the other person. In fact, all of this practice is about you.
FEELS
As I mentioned, the fourth option in our stress response is feel. For me, the insight comes in quiet moments. When I’ve stopped venting about the injustice of this person in my life and settle into a space where I can reflect and learn.
Usually the lesson makes me feel lighter, more at peace and I can let the anger go. I can look at them with compassion and gratitude because they keep teaching me something about myself. Where to love myself more, where to forgive, where to accept.
I encourage you to start practicing the 4th choice when it comes to the difficult people in your life. If you need help, we’re here for you, as always.
Click here to learn more about mindfulness therapy.
