TGIF | Finding Clarity in the Quiet: The Courage to Go Deeper
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Good morning, friend,
I find myself writing this on a rainy, cold day after a whirlwind of beautiful spring weather this week. The rain taps gently against my window, offering a soothing rhythm that feels cleansing - as if nature knows I wasn't quite ready for the sudden energy of summer. Today marks the official first day of spring, a season that invites us to embrace gradual awakening and gentle transformation. Anything too sudden throws me off balance. Maybe you've noticed this in your life, too - how abrupt changes can feel jarring rather than rejuvenating.
The Chaos We Create
Quick changes don't serve us as humans. Shock is destabilizing. Sudden approaches from behind seriously put your pelvic floor to the test. There's something almost manipulative about moving fast before you can catch up and notice what's happening. Chaos can be a mechanism that keeps you uninformed, bewildered, spinning, and unaware.
In some ways, you might do this on purpose. You might distract yourself from chaos to avoid feeling what's happening within and around you. I've fallen into this trap many times in my life. When things get too intense, hard, and painful, I throw a grenade at the situation and make it all messy again. Because then I'm not accountable to the real discomfort - I'm busy cleaning up the immediate issue. The real discomfort generally involves deep layers I'm not ready or brave enough to encounter. Deep down, below the noise and clutter and chaos is fear, anger, and grief.
We become experts at avoiding those feelings—suppressing, repressing, and numbing out. Modern culture makes it easy to do so: use devices as tools for distraction, keep busy, plan the next thing, and throw yourself into work, travel, books, and alcohol so you don't have to get uncomfortable.
You can see it from afar, too - other people are doing this, right? Right now, there is immense chaos on a global and national level. What is the purpose of it? What are we trying to be distracted from? If it makes you feel a bit uneasy, good. Because you should feel unsettled when you're not seeing things clearly because a tornado has created too much haze in the air.
Breaking the Cycle
So, how do you stop this cycle? How do you literally and figuratively clear the air?
It starts with bravery.
I had a client recently who avoided some deep grief through welcomed distractions. It was easier to address what felt like open-and-shut problems, although messy, than to sit with the grief. Interestingly, when we started opening up to the grief, their body reacted as if suddenly startled. What I find fascinating is that the startle reflex is believed to be a protective mechanism that helps to prepare the body for potential danger. However, when the client wasn't in any physical danger but was instead getting closer to emotional pain, their body was startled. This helps us see how our emotional states are so deeply intertwined with our bodies.
Back to bravery. It takes courage to undergo the more profound work to go past your coping mechanisms and get to the root of what you're avoiding. Therapy is challenging because it challenges you. It's the same reason you may avoid starting a new exercise routine, trying a new recipe, or switching to a new job…change automatically puts you at risk of doubting yourself. I've been there, too.
Action Creates Hope
The truth is simple and challenging: You must act and practice consistently to see meaningful change. Genuine transformation remains elusive if you feel stuck and repeatedly hit the same mental, physical, and emotional roadblocks while following the same patterns. You might believe you're doing more—adding layers of reading, meditation, social interactions, and time in nature—but pause and consider: Are these additions actually serving as beautiful distractions? Are they unknowingly becoming sophisticated shields protecting you from seeing your truth clearly?
I've found that when I'm stuck, it's not more that I need but less. Less noise, less distraction, less people, less influences, less consumption. I need quiet, gentle encouragement to go deeper, for my body to slow and relax. It's in that quiet that is so uncomfortable that we reveal our truth. When you do less, you gain more.
The steady practice, commitment, and action you take informs your beliefs, intentions, and day-to-day behavior. By doing the work—and I mean the deeper work—you can really start to transform. You look at your shadows, examine your maladaptive coping patterns, and shed the protective layers that keep you busy and distracted to reveal a more raw, honest truth.
Beyond the Surface
For me, this work has brought up major existential crises. I've had to examine "Who am I?" so many times that each time I ask it again, less and less shows up. It's a bit scary because you ultimately get to a place where you understand you are nothing and everything - unique and so not special - perfect and imperfect - magical and ordinary - loved, safe, protected, and yet so vulnerable. Woosh, chills just as I write it.
I do believe it's all worth it, though. Therapy can start with acknowledging your gaps, replacing unhelpful coping with helpful coping, and simply being aware of yourself, your behaviors, and your thoughts. But then, dear friend, it takes new courage and conviction to go beyond all that. That's where the real transformation happens.
An Invitation to Reset
That's why I welcome everyone to Reset. Although I may have different starting views than you, I believe that with this deeper transformative work, we will emerge kinder, more self-aware, more in love with others, less judgmental, more supportive, more compassionate, and with a strong desire to help others. I believe that this deeper work is where we can produce true evolution that will transform humanity.
But you have to be willing to step into this space of transformation, to sit with the discomfort, and to embrace the quiet that reveals your truths.
Are you ready to begin this journey? Because I'm here, waiting to walk alongside you when you are.
With warmth and belief in your courage. You’re never alone.
This week’s Tools, Gratitude, Innovation, Feels
Tools
When I started as a therapist, I was terrified to go deeper; now, it’s all I want to do with clients. I believe Reset is uniquely qualified and really good at this type of deep healing work. I also think it’s because our therapists are committed to doing the work themselves; honestly, that is really special. You want a therapist who walks the walk.
Gratitude
Once again, I was stopped by a Viktor Frankl quote this week. I share it with you with so much gratitude for this wisdom when he was at the depths of a despairing time: “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.”
Innovation
I love this passage from theologian Karen Gonzalez: "We often practice ourselves into new ways of being and believing. I always thought that belief precedes action, and sometimes it does. But all too often, it is practices that shape us, that change our beliefs and help us internalize them in ways that are transformative. We learn by doing”. Her wise words encourage us to wake up to our deeper selves to unstuck embedded beliefs and then we see change.
Feels
Lastly, my inspiration for this week came from Michigander Pete Buttigieg. He said, “I once heard it said that hope is the consequence of action rather than its cause”. I believe this too. I’m deeply hopeful when I see clients and hear of clients shifting their behavior into kindness, self-love, acceptance and less judgment of themselves and others. It’s inspiring. It makes me believe that we’re all going to be okay.