TGIF | The Science of Consistency: Why Our Habits Matter
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Dear Community,
Anyone else have a bit of a challenging week? I noticed an inconsistency in my mood - more susceptible to external influences, less steady. As I reflect, I realize what may have contributed to my more fragile temperament: I was less consistent with my practices.
When Absence Reveals Importance
Following a full weekend, I felt more fatigued this week. I had a harder time waking up and showing up for my morning routine, and I missed my meditation time all but one day.
This is when habits become much clearer in their absence. When I stop doing something routinely, I notice a significant difference, not always seeing the reward of consistency in the moment.
How often does that happen to you? You start something and don't get the immediate outcome you're hoping for, so you stop the new activity or behavior. Then, a few days, weeks, or months later, you notice things have been "off."
Exciting News: Foundational Wellness Quarter
Next month, our team is diving into a full quarter to go deeper with our Foundational Wellness modalities. At Reset, it's about integrating essential pillars to support well-rounded wellness: breath, movement, rest, nourishment, and connection. We'll be sharing our own practices and "whys" around these pillars while learning from subject matter experts.
My good friend, Dr. Aarti Sooyra, is coming in to share even more evidence for why foundational wellness is essential for mental health and some accessible ways our team and clients can build supportive practices. We then get the incredible opportunity to learn from author, researcher, and physician Dr. Kyra Bobinet who wrote "Unstoppable Brain: The New Neuroscience that Frees Us from Failure, Eases Our Stress, and Creates Lasting Change." Dr. Bobinet, who has an MD from UCSF School of Medicine and an MPH from Harvard University, belongs to the Stanford Medical School AIM lab where she teaches on health behavior change. Her research has led to a new way to understand motivation, commitment, and failure, and will be helping our team learn ways to support our clients in building sustainable habits.
The Fascinating Science Behind Habit Formation
What blew me away about Dr. Bobinet's work is her discovery about the habenula, a small structure in the brain that serves as a motivation kill-switch when it detects a possibility of failure. In her groundbreaking research, Dr. Bobinet reveals that the habenula acts as a "failure detector," activating any time we believe we have failed, like when we miss a day of our new exercise routine or don't meet a work deadline we set for ourselves. Once turned "on," the habenula acts like a kill switch for our motivation. Her research suggests that the habenula plays a more significant role in our ability to follow through on behaviors than our dopamine receptors do. This biological failure detector evolved to help us survive, but its current role often inhibits healthy motivation and traps us in dead-end routines. This groundbreaking science reveals it's not about the reward that keeps us consistent—it's about not feeling like a failure.
Whoosh. Let's let that sink in a bit.
So often, we start building new habits because we want to feel better. And because we're in a modern age where instant gratification is the norm, we want to feel better right away. We join a new yoga class and expect to feel transformed after one session. We begin therapy and want our lives to be better in six weeks. We start a new hobby and expect to be proficient within a month. You've been there; I know you have your own example.
Dr. Bobinet's research demonstrates that it's not the reward pathway that keeps us consistent with habits and change. The habenula serves as a failure detector, activating any time we believe we have failed, like when we miss a meditation session or forget to follow through on a new morning routine. Once turned "on," the habenula acts like a kill switch for our motivation. While positive outcomes can be motivating, they're not the primary driver of our ability to continue. Instead, what contributes more to our ability to stay the course with any modifications we make is whether we believe we can.
The Power of Belief and Flexible Goals
Ah, the power of our thoughts comes racing back into importance.
You've heard someone say "set yourself up for success" or, conversely, "set yourself up for failure" before, right? These aren't just cliché comments—they have scientific validity. Dr. Bobinet's work on "The Unstoppable Brain" demonstrates that today's performative approaches to behavior change—like tracking, dieting, and rigid goal-setting—can actually trigger the habenula's failure detection mechanism. When we make a change or set a goal that challenges our perception of our capabilities, we're much more vulnerable to the habenula shutting it all down.
It's not to say we shouldn't do hard things or challenge ourselves, but it's about what we believe we are capable of and allowing flexibility around the outcome. Say, for example, you intend to stop drinking alcohol for the month. You feel strongly in your capacity to do it, but then one night your best friend gets engaged, and you want to share in her celebration. You could perceive it as a failure the next day, having blown the entire month's goal. Or, you could see it as a minor bump in your plan and just get back on track.
We have a choice in how we perceive our hiccups or "failures" and whether they are even failures at all.
The Practice of Iteration and Self-Compassion
Not setting ourselves up for perceived failure through overly rigid goals and expectations allows us to stay adaptable to life's inevitable curveballs.
As I mentioned, I've been challenged with waking up early to begin my whole morning routine this week. I've noticed the difference—my mood is more variable, and I've been caught up more easily in waves of anxiety. But it doesn't mean I'm throwing my routine out the window because I missed consistency one week. In fact, I feel stronger in acknowledging what my routine does for me when I notice the impacts of its absence. I feel more committed because I also listened to my body demanding more rest after a full social weekend.
Alternatively, I could be beating myself up—berating myself for this lack of commitment, calling myself lazy, being super hard on myself and critical. I've done that many times, and I've learned that being hard on myself is not the motivation to get my motivation back. And turns out, science backs that up.
Instead, we iterate. In her book, Dr. Bobinet introduces the concept of the "Iterative Mindset Method™" to neutralize failure and stay motivated. We adapt, adjust, and treat ourselves tenderly. We acknowledge what comes up, notice, accept, move on, and re-engage. With more compassion than anything else, we keep showing up, even if it looks a bit different—like off by an hour or two, after a little break, or after a fun night out.
A Gentle Closing Thought
Iterating is a beautiful concept alongside resetting. As Dr. Bobinet's research shows, this approach helps us work with, not against, our brain's natural motivation and reward systems. To do repeatedly—to find ways to pause, reflect, and do again—believing in ourselves and the potential for a new or adapted start each time.
We are what we repeatedly do.
So here's to you this next week—accept your missteps and gently guide yourself back to belief in yourself with more compassion. A message I love to use if you're struggling with self-forgiveness is "it's okay, you were just trying to…" and fill in the rest of the sentence. Try this multiple times until you've exhausted the answer. Notice what comes up. I guess you don't land on seeing yourself as lazy or a failure.
Kindness. Tenderness. Patience. Presence.
Hug yourself. You're doing a good job, just being here. Don't give up on yourself. We need more of you.
This week’s Tools, Gratitude, Innovation, Feels
Tools
I first heard of Dr Bobinet’s work on this podcast. Give it a listen if you like what she’s talking about, her book is also a great read or listen.
Gratitude
Something I love about working in mental health is that we get to always learn new things and apply them directly into our work. This year, our leadership team has been intentional about taking a concept and diving into it for 3 months at time, giving ourselves the space to really get curious, apply it, practice and collaborate with one another. I love my job and I’m so grateful for my team at Reset who enjoys it all along with me.
Innovation
It’s Earth Week! Once again, nature heals and in my moments of despair this week, all it took was a look up at the clouds, the budding trees, listening to the birds, feeling my feet in the grass to just bring me back to awe, wonder and contentment. Never forget the powerful, accessible ability for nature to restore you.
Feels
This week has really just confirmed for me how precious life is, yet again. In moments when I feel caught up in all the “what-ifs”, I find pulling myself back to this moment, right now, is the best antidote for my woes. And to hold this moment with tenderness and appreciate the fragility of our existence settles me instantly. Enjoy this life. It’s fleeting and unpredictable. So I choose presence and joy. I hope you can too.