The Power of 20 Minutes
I recently shared about the power of 20 minutes in my recent newsletter, TGIF (Tools, Gratitude, Innovation, and Feels). I didn’t want anyone to miss out on information that I wish I knew sooner, so I thought I’d share it here, too…
TOOLS
Nope. This is not a newsletter about meditation. Or at least, not explicitly ;)
Let me explain…
A couple years ago when I was experiencing postpartum depression and riddled with mom guilt about how much I should be playing with my newborn, I came across a life-changing article. It was a study about what children need from their parents to form happy, healthy attachment.
Along with a sense of safety and their most basic needs being met, the article had studied hundreds of families of working parents, stay at home parents, single parents and in-between to see how much time they spent with their children and the behavioral outcomes.
One would expect, or perhaps society guilts us into thinking, that the more time we spend with our children then the more happy, healthy and thriving the child is. Well, that assumption is wrong. So wrong!
Turns out, it takes just 20 minutes of undivided attention to help a child feel loved, seen, heard, and in turn help them have healthy and happy attachment and behavior.
It seems SO simple and yet… how often do you really give UNDIVIDED attention for a full 20 minutes to your child, let alone anything?
Lately, as many of us are stretched in so many directions with navigating pandemic life, this concept of 20 minutes got me thinking…
GRATITUDE
If children need 20 minutes of undivided attention to thrive, what about giving ourselves 20 minutes? You see, many, many people think that being present and mindful is just about meditation.
Meditation is a wonderful tool for cultivating presence, but so are so many other practices. Gardening, playing a sport, reading, journaling, crafting, exercising, listening to music, dancing, cooking, knitting, or something like this… are all present focused activities.
But again, how often are we uninterrupted, with zero distractions and really focusing on just 1 thing at a time, in the present moment, with 100% attention?
Not often.
Our kids and ourselves need us to be present. So that not only do our children feel valued and worthy of our time but we also show ourselves that we, too deserve our own attention!
INNOVATION
Okay, so, I feel this is mind-blowing. Really!
20 minutes. Now, if you have 5 children, we’re talking about a bigger piece of the day and if that’s you…good luck but I know you got this. Try one of these activities with each child, individually:
20 minutes doing a mindfulness activity, like one of these.
20 minutes having them help you cook dinner or breakfast
20 minutes of chatting about their day before bed
20 minutes of book reading
20 minutes taking a walk
20 minutes drawing, coloring, painting
20 minutes driving in the car together
20 minutes at the dinner table
I know some of these seem like your attention would be divided, but it’s about one-on-one connection. If you’re doing something together where you both are present in the activity, that counts!
Now, what could this look like if you gave yourself the same undivided 20 minutes? No texting, emailing, Tik-Tokking, scrolling allowed. What about a walk? What about eating a meal and actually taking 20 minutes to do so? What about…meditation? (I know, I snuck it in there!)
FEELS
Okay. I feel like we all can do this. I truly believe we each can carve out 20 minutes. If you do not have kids, start with giving yourself these 20 minutes of presence.
If you do have kids, start with one kid. Then the next one. Give yourself grace if it’s only 10 minutes at first.
Set a timer when it’s uncomfortable. Being present is an exercise for your brain and body, and can feel really difficult at first! Work your way up to 20 minutes.
You don’t need hours of sensory activities, a day at the park or extravagant self-care adventures.
20 minutes a day. That’s it.
Click here to learn more about post-partum therapy.
