Should I still do New Year Resolutions during a pandemic?
It’s January, which means that every YouTube advertisement I get is about the latest diet on the market. This one promises that it’s even better than the last. It’s more scientific. More convenient. More effective. Your entire wellbeing being hung on the notion that if you could only lose weight, be more fit and look more like the current ideal, you would finally have the experience of immense ease, joy, spaciousness, and happiness. But is it our weight and our looks OR the message that “you are not enough and always too much” that is keeping us emotionally hostage? What’s really standing between us and the ease, joy and spaciousness?
First, See Through the Marketing Techniques (A quick tutorial)
Advertisement is not inherently harmful. They can be informative, like this 60 second commercial on the science of how the covid vaccines work. But beyond information, an invention or product that is truly useful and helpful would not see the light of day without a skilled salesperson.
And there are a lot of techniques used in the marketing industry that exploit human psychology and physiology to push products that are profitable rather than provide information on products that meet our needs and problems. Being aware of the marketing techniques used to spread messages that we might not want to internalize allows us to see through the advertisement and make a more informed decision. Here are two popular methods of marketing:
A well known marketing technique is to pair something people are already very familiar with and greatly enjoy with a new product in order for people to uptake the new product more readily, even if they otherwise wouldn’t have. A standard example of this is Kit-Kats and coffee. When the candy was struggling to be sold, research showed that Kit-Kats were often paired with a hot beverage. Since coffee was already a household favorite, they paired the candy with a coffee break. Keep an eye out for such pairings.
Another often used trick is to pair the product with a desired emotion. Check out this Coca-Cola commercial, notice how unrelated happiness and laughter (the experience on the subway) is being paired with the product? Our brains love shortcuts. That desire for a quick fix, easy solution, no-brain decision, minimum effort is so alluring. If one could just open a bottle of Coke and experience the joy that those folxs on the subway did, wouldn’t that be amazing? Yes, but it’s not reality. Convenience and the fact that very little effort is needed greatly adds to the appeal. Who hasn’t wished for such a path before. It’s in our nature to want shortcuts (our brains are constantly creating mental shortcuts - check out this fun video to see how these shortcuts can trick us).
Recognizing these methods can help free us from the external expectations and focus on what actually matters to you personally.
So should I still do New Year's Resolutions during the pandemic?
The answer to this question is extremely personal. My personal approach is to learn at the pace that I’m learning. So I make commitments to internally-derived goals when I’m ready, not based on the calendar. So last year, around September, I made a commitment that when I was about to beat myself up, I would pause, breathe out, and instead give myself a hug. Kerry has decided to not do new year's resolutions this year. And some of you may want to not set any goals or set them during a time that fits you instead of the calendar. And some of you may still want to set some goals for yourself right now. All options are completely a-okay. Whatever feels right for you, consider the following.
Think about what you want to feel more of this year
It might be super familiar to us to set a goal based on results, such as lose five pounds, read twenty books, cook more at home. But considering what you want to feel more of in your life can help shape your goals to bring you closer to the experience of life you are seeking. If what you want more of is to feel less overwhelmed by the mess in your kitchen, perhaps the goal is to slowly build a cleaning routine in your kitchen. If the goal is to feel more connected to your friends, setting aside time to write one card per month to send to a friend. Maybe you want to feel more mobile this year, so the goal is not to lose weight but to stretch and go for a walk to help gain that sense of mobility. Allow yourself to be curious about what you want to feel more of and consider what actually gets you to that feeling in a sustainable way.
Try making a WOOP
Speaking of sustainability. A lot of aspirational goals become too overwhelming. They are way easier to daydream about or to watch on Instagram than to actually do. That’s because our fantasies do not include the barriers that exist to reaching our goal. And without this awareness, we also don’t have the tools to move forward. So try making a WOOP. It is a method that not only inspires us but also grounds us in reality, helping bridge the gap between dream and our daily life.
It begins with daydreaming (yay!). Thinking about your Wish and the best Outcome. Then, and here’s the new part, identifying the Obstacle within you that stands in the way of reaching this outcome. And lastly making a when/then Plan. For example, if your desire is to feel less overwhelmed by the kitchen mess, your when/then plan could be: when I finish dinner, then I wash half the dishes. My own commitment that I mentioned about follows this layout. I wanted to feel more kindness towards myself. So when I was saying mean things to myself, then I would pause, put down my “mean weapon” and give myself a hug or say something understanding and kind to myself.
Allow yourself to let go of externally imposed goals
Part of focusing on what you want to feel more of this year is giving yourself the permission to not have to pursue externally imposed goals. And if that’s too tough, ask your therapist or a trusted friend to help give that permission to yourself.
These externally imposed goals could be driven by our desire to belong, so check in with yourself - what are you losing if you were to let go of those externally imposed goals? This might give insight on what’s driving you to pursue them.
Start really, really, really small by setting up a “Better Than Nothing” Goal.
This Greater Good Science article spells out what a “Better Than Nothing” is: “The idea is to create a habit that doesn’t depend on effort or willpower, so this first extraordinarily unambitious habit is about initiating the neural pathway—starting to form the groove—and nothing else.”
Think instead of washing half the dishes, wash one cup. If this feels too easy or “like nothing”, GOOD. That’s the point. We are letting our brains begin to build a pathway but instead of asking for a smooth highway from the get-go, we start by making a small path that eventually leads us to the desired habit. As Christine Carter writes, “You will be able to do your BTN routine when you are exhausted, when you have no time, when you are a little under the weather, and when you really feel like staying on the couch. For me, this means a teeny little bit of physical activity that is better than not moving at all.”
Join an online group to pursue more of what you want
Another great way to keep motivated is to join a group. During the pandemic, stay safe and opt in for the online type. Seeing the same faces and being part of a group can inspire us to return to what we want more in life even when we feel old habits kick in. Being part of a group is not just beneficial for sticking with your desired goal but also gives us the opportunity to experience connection, to learn from each other and be empathetic witnesses for each other.
Reset has started several groups now, and we’re always looking to start more. If you have any interest or idea for a group, let us know!
May this year bring you fresh joys and more ease!
Click here to learn more about counseling for mindfulness.
