Is My Teen Just Being a Teen?
As we began to cover in last week’s blog, it can be hard to tell when your child is just being a child, or if it’s something more. Same goes for teenagers. Is my teenager just pushing away (a natural process) or is it a cry for help? Is my teenager acting this way because they are ___ age or is this not typical behavior for their age? Below are some signs that your teenager might benefit from an evaluation, however, before we jump in, please please please read this:
*If any of the signs below resonate with you, the next steps are not to assume diagnosis or a mental health illness in your teenager but to speak to your teenager’s teachers and pediatrician to gather more information.
So, here we go.
What are some signs that my teenager might need mental health support?
Your teenager has lost interest in the things that they used to enjoy. Did they love to play basketball and suddenly stopped wanting to play? It could be just that something embarrassing happened last time they played and that’s why they don’t want to get back on the court but you won’t know until you ask.
Having low energy. Yes, teenagers often just want to “hang out” but are you seeing your teen struggling to muster up any energy day in and day out? When it’s not for just a short period (which I personally define as one to two weeks), and there is no medical explanation for the low energy, it’s worth following up on. Remember, don’t jump to the conclusion that your child has a mental health illness. Talk to their doctor - the doctor can help evaluate if the cause could be medical.
Sleeping too much or too little. Seeming sleepy during the day. Are your teenager’s eyes often droopy? Can your remember the last time you saw their eyes and body bright and present? If not, it could be time to look into it.
Isolating themselves. Yes, as mentioned above, it is natural for teenagers to push away from their parents but is your child avoiding social activities with their friends and other family members more and more? This might be a sign that they need some extra help. One thing to keep in mind is individual people’s, what I call, “socializing ratios.” What this means is that some people want to spend every single day interacting with others, some people need a day alone after having four interactions, some people need three days alone after having one interaction. Just because you might be an extrovert who gets their energy by being around other people, your child might not have this same ratio as you. Talking about socializing rations can make a fun dinner conversation and can help you learn more about who your child is. Also, maybe they stopped hanging out with that group of friends because they realized those kids were bullies. There could be lots of reasons which is why it’s important not to jump to conclusions.
Fear of gaining weight. You might notice that your teen is dieting or exercising excessively. Listen closely to how your teen talks about food and exercise - it could reveal some insights into how they are thinking about all of these things and let you know if they are developing a healthy or unhealthy relationship with food.
Engaging in self-harming or risky behavior. These behaviors may include cutting themselves, burning themselves, ripping out hair or constantly over-tweezing, engaging in unsafe sex or other risky behaviors (alone or with friends). Anything that is inflicting pain on themselves is a sign that they could benefit from an evaluation.
Smoking, drinking or using drugs. While many people easily dismiss this as a “teenage” rebellion, I would not. This would be a sign that they might benefit from an evaluation.
Having thoughts of suicide. Your teen might make passive (or passive aggressive) comments about killing themselves, being dead or wishing something would “take them out.” These are all signs that they might benefit from further evaluation.
Having periods of highly elevated energy and require much less sleep than usual. This combination could be a sign that further looking into might help your teen.
Hearing things that other people cannot hear or thinking that someone is trying to control their minds. If your teen hears something you don’t, ask them to describe it to you or ask them about who and why they think someone is trying to control their mind. This could be a sign that they may benefit from a further evaluation.
If you see any of these signs, try to talk to your teen to get more information. Approach them in a calm manner, and simply ask, “Could you tell me more?”
You can then follow up with their teachers and pediatrician. Ask about the behavior in school, has the teacher noticed anything? You can share your observations and that of the teachers with the pediatrician. If you feel the pediatrician couldn’t help on the level that you want, you can ask for a referral to a mental health professional who is experienced with working with children.
Teens want independence but they don’t stop wanting care, love and attention (regardless if they are telling you not to hug them). If you see any of these signs, reach out to them and follow up with the other adults in their lives.
Also, because depression is prevalent, I personally like to do the PHQ-9 depression questionnaire (a tested, well-known depression “litmus test”) to help me gauge myself on how I’m doing. Maybe ask your teen to take it if they are willing.
And remember, you are not a bad parent and you are not a failure if your child or teen ends up needing extra mental health support. Period.
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