How to Know if Your Child Would Benefit From Mental Health Services
One of the hardest elements of working with children and young adults for me is figuring out whether their behavior is indicative of being a certain age or if it’s something more. Regardless of which one it is, it’s important to approach children and young adults with empathy and openness. So instead of having the “why are you being bad?” mindset, think of every situation as “what are you trying to tell me?”. When we think this way, we stop viewing the child as a source of trouble but as a whole human being with needs, wants, fears, desires and preferences. Having a good therapist who views your child this way, and provides a safe space for them to express themselves can serve as a helpful addition to their support system regardless of their situation. Sometimes, it can be more necessary than others.
So how can I tell if my child is pushing boundaries or if it’s something else?
For young children, below are some signs that would indicate that they might be experiencing something more than just a typical boundary pushing.
If any of these resonate with you, the next steps are not to assume diagnosis or a mental health illness but to speak to your child’s teachers and pediatrician to gather more information.
Acting out - Your child is intensely irritable much of the time. I personally interpret “much of the time” as about half of the waking/interacting hours of the day for about three or four days out of the week but this is just a personal interpretation so trust your gut - if it feels like much of the time to you, it’s worth investigating further. Also, if your child is having very frequent tantrums, that might also be a sign that they might benefit from an evaluation.
Fears and worries - Your child is often talking or referencing fears or worries that they have and/or you notice them repeating actions or checking things many times because they are afraid something bad may happen. If you see them repeating an action or checking on stuff, you can ask “hon, why do you run back and forth from the living room to the front door?” - they might be able to give you some insights into the underlying cause of their behavior themselves because it may simply be that they think their friend is coming over to play that day and keep checking the door for that reason.
Stomach aches or headaches - Your child is complaining about stomach aches or headaches that do not have a known medical cause. Mental health affects our physical selves as well. Think about the last time you had a moment of panic or intense anxiety - how did your body feel? Did you have a tight stomach? A heavy chest? A feeling of tightness in your head? Some questions you can even ask your child.
Constant motion - Your child cannot sit still unless they are watching videos or playing video games could be a sign that they might benefit from an evaluation.
Sleep - Your child is sleeping all night then often falling asleep on the couch or at the dinner table or in the car (aka sleeping too much). Or the opposite - they are not sleeping enough, going to bed late and waking up early. Having frequent nightmares could also be a sign. Something to know, it’s common for children between ages 3 - 8 to experience nighttime terrors - they do not harm your child but are scary as F to witness as a parent so just read that link to learn what they look like, what to do and when to seek help.
Lack of interest in socializing - Your child has lost interest in playing with other children or you notice that they are constantly struggling to make friends.
Struggling academically - Your child is having a hard time academically or their grades have recently declined for no apparent reason (aka maybe they have a new teacher that grades harder this year and that’s the reason for the decline. This is why it’s important to not assume things at this point but to investigate further.)
If I see any of these signs in my child, where do I begin? What are my first steps?
First up: do not make assumptions solely based on the information you read in this or any other internet resource. Let’s be clear - this blog post and any other internet resources is a source of general information - not personalized information about your child. It’s a jumping off point to see if maybe you need to investigate further into your child’s behavior. If you do feel overwhelmed with the information, here’s how to slow down and connect with your feelings.
You can start by talking to their teachers and pediatrician. Ask about the behavior in school, has the teacher noticed anything? How does the child act when they are at recess or on the playground?
You can then talk to your pediatrician, share with them your observations and that of the teachers. If you feel the pediatrician couldn’t help on the level that you want, you can ask for a referral to a mental health professional who is experienced with working with children.
Wishing you health and well-being.
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