Can You Say It Aloud?
It’s after 8pm and this newsletter will arrive in your inbox in about 10 hours. If you assumed these weekly notes are always written in a well-lit, cheery room in the sunny daytime hours of the day, you’re wrong.
It’s in the pitch dark. After a long week. When my brain is tired, my body just wants to crawl in bed and I’m trying to just process the week. So much of this weekly routine is for me, really. I’m glad you read it because it means maybe you relate and can feel less alone. But honestly, 85% of the time I’m journaling to you.
And this week? Do you feel it? Do you feel the “too much” feeling? Is it overflowing in your cup? Are you gasping for air as your head dips below the water too often? I understand if even me talking about this feels too vulnerable, uncomfortable, like a train wreck.
But here, my friend, is where we create connection instead of isolation.
So stay with me.
TOOLS
I thought I was alone in this feeling. I melted down to my therapist on Tuesday about all the “too much”. Then, I listened to the newest Daring to Lead podcast with Amy Cuddy and I finally felt validated. Pandemic Flux Syndrome.
It has a name!
Just like Adam Grant gave us Languishing and Émile Durkheim gave us Collective Effervescence, Amy Cuddy, that wonderful soul, has given us PFS (my new nick-name for this mighty side-kick of late).
Amy says, about PFS, “many people are experiencing a starkly different set of feelings — blunted emotions, spikes in anxiety and depression, and a desire to drastically change something about their lives.”
Have you felt it?
The vacillation between anxiety and grief, between hope and despair, between worry and sadness?
The need to escape, numb and regress to self-soothing tools? To resign, to run away, to move, to do something outlandish?
For me, the tool of naming this shared experience has felt so empowering.
GRATITUDE
Also, grateful. Grateful for social psychologists who listen to the Grateful Dead and study the human responses to trauma and pain. The people to listen and see us and help us feel seen. Thank you.
This is where acknowledging what we’re going through is so important in helping us feeling less alone.
2021 for me has been anything but easy. For most of us. For me, I feel like it’s been one thing after another. I’ve chosen not to take the self-pity, victim route. I continually choose to see the lessons, grow and build my resilience.
But F&CK, it’s HARD.
There are many days when I know I have to feel the weight of what is going on and has been going on - this PFS and all the other stuff of life that piles on as life just continues on. In feeling the feelings I cry, get mad, become panicked, overwhelmed and scared.
And yet. I know that once I feel it, I am getting through it. The more I admit my feelings, the weight of it all, the better I am able to continue on.
Because what other choice do I really have? This is my life. This is life. It’s not always pretty and easeful. But it’s worth it.
I know it because I see it in the beautiful moments. In the joy of my children, in the awe of nature, in the experience of live music, in creativity of play, in the wonder of discovery.
For in these moments, my gratitude outweighs my pains.
INNOVATION
But do you share this? Do you tell your partner, friends, colleagues, kids that you’re struggling? Do you reach out and talk to someone about it? Do you ask for someone to help you, to hold you accountable to keep persevering, to help you sit in the painful feelings so you can get through it?
80% of us do not.
That’s right. About 1 in 5 people actually admits the truth of their inner experience out loud.
ONE IN FIVE! Think about that. Think about how many people are suffering in SILENCE in their own minds! That’s so much of our population, of our loved ones, of our friends, children, peers, neighbors!
It breaks my heart to think of so many people so alone.
FEELS
So this week, I challenge you.
Can you share your story with someone? Can you raise your hand, say it out loud, if you’re not okay? Can you be extra vulnerable? Can you ask for help? Can you go so far to even talk to a stranger to receive help?
Remember back in March, 2020 when we were All In This Together? Remember how it felt to not feel so scared and alone in such unknown times? Remember how magical the collective, shared experience felt despite it being scary and hard?
We felt connected and supported.
Even in the darkest days. Even when the weight is so heavy. Even when the water feels like it may drown us… we are never, ever truly alone.
I may not know you, but I love you. Thanks for being here.
Click here to learn more about therapy for depression.
