TGIF | Empathy in Global Conflict: Fostering Shared Humanity and Kindness
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Dear Community,
The question I got was fraught with anxiety and pain this week - “Kerry! How do I handle this toxic world in which it feels like everyone is literally at war with one another? I feel helpless, hopeless, and overwhelmed.”
Dear reader, I want to start with a story.
One of my son’s first learning books was Diggory Doo Learns Empathy. We read this book often still, prompted by my son when I’m guessing he’s feeling a bit more sensitive. The book is cute and simple but starts at a young age and introduces kids to the concept of feeling what it’s like to be in someone else’s “shoes”.
You see, there’s a lot of conflict right now. I had a dream last night where each of the people in my life who have snubbed me showed up. I had to hang with them. I felt resentful, gaslit, frustrated and, well, it was a nightmare actually.
Despite the discomfort overnight, I awoke this morning with additional insight that led me to a loving-kindness meditation or metta meditation. I realized that I had to let go of the space I was letting them occupy - that space was feeling so toxic, icky, and heavy. I had to let go of my resentment and strong dislike (maybe even hatred??) because it was taking up valuable space, space that could otherwise be filled with gratitude and joy.
So I practiced it. I practiced extending them loving kindness while I took deep breaths and expanded. I realized I could let them go and it would be okay. I didn’t need that hate inside me anymore. In fact, they may be hurting too and that extension of grace allowed me to expand even more.
In a world often marred by global conflicts, polarization, and uncertainty, the need for empathy has never been more profound. We find ourselves living in an age where the differences between us can seem insurmountable. But amidst the chaos, cultivating empathy is our beacon of hope, our pathway to finding shared humanity amongst strangers, and our key to becoming kinder individuals.
Let’s dig in.
TOOLS
Empathy is the ability (or tool) to understand and share the feelings of another. It's about walking in someone else's shoes, seeing the world from their perspective, and acknowledging their emotions as valid. At its core, empathy is the driving force behind human connection and the antidote to divisive conflicts.
And yet, cultivating empathy begins with looking inward. Before we can understand others, we must first understand ourselves. Self-reflection encourages us to explore our biases, judgments, and preconceived notions. We all have biases. They are the result of our experiences, upbringing, and the society we live in. Acknowledging our biases is the first step towards empathy because it allows us to recognize how our own perspective can shape our understanding of others.
A way to self-examine this is by asking yourself these questions:
What core beliefs do I hold? How might these beliefs limit or enable me and my colleagues at work?
How do I react to people from different backgrounds? Do I hold stereotypes or assumptions about a particular social group?
Do my words and actions actually reflect my intentions?
Do I put myself in the shoes of the other person and empathize with their situation, even if I don’t relate to it? Source- Carmen Acton, HBR
Now, this doesn’t have to be a one-time activity. Keep a journal to record your thoughts, feelings, and insights gained from self-reflection that you continue to return back to as you notice belief systems driving bias or yourself acting out of alignment with your intentions.
GRATITUDE
Now, in self-reflection, I know that many of you may start to judge yourself. You may be angry that you reacted a certain way, said something that wasn’t kind enough, or dismissed someone else’s experience unknowingly.
So pause. Practice self-compassion. Be as kind to yourself as you try to be to others. Acknowledge your own feelings, and remember that taking care of your well-being allows you to extend kindness to others more effectively.
Dr Kristin Neff, the foremost leader in self-compassion has some easy-to-follow exercises that I highly recommend.
Remember, mindfulness is the practice of paying attention without judgment. When we are able to observe our own self-talk and respond to it with grace and compassion, we then learn how to extend that same grace to others and provide a new lens to view life.
Dr. Neff says beautifully, “Rather than wandering around in problem-solving mode all day, thinking mainly of what you want to fix about yourself or your life, you can pause for a few moments throughout the day to marvel at what’s not broken.”
INNOVATION
You see, empathy teaches us that we really are not all that different, at the core.
Everyone wants to be seen.
Everyone wants to feel love.
Everyone wants to be free to be themselves.
It is our perceived separateness that creates isolation from others and essentially dehumanizes our fellow citizens. It is this illusion of separateness that also makes it very easy to commit cruelty and disregard for others. One of the most painful ways you can treat someone else is to render them irrelevant.
Conflict often fosters an "us" vs. "them" mentality, but empathy encourages us to reframe this perspective. It reminds us that behind every "them" there are individuals with their own stories, dreams, and struggles.
When you notice yourself putting distance between yourself and another or calculating your differences, rather than continue to separate and disconnect, remember that our differences are what make the world rich and diverse. Empathy encourages us to embrace these differences and see them as opportunities for growth, connection, and a more peaceful future.
By starting with self-compassion and regulation we can drop into a grounded space to listen to others with an open and empathetic heart. We make ourselves available to really see and hear others. We see and honor the human once again.
FEELS
Empathy isn't just a personal quality; it's a catalyst for social change. When we collectively embrace empathy, we can drive transformation on a grand scale. It's the heart of movements for justice, equality, and peace.
This week I had the honor of participating in the Kindling Project SheTalks series. In an intimate room, 30+ women, mostly moms, gathered to talk about adolescents and mental health, with myself and some other Reset therapists as panelists. The conversation diverted from being about the children to being about ourselves and the strength of the community.
One mom in particular got everyone’s attention with her story of strength and resilience. Having lost her son in a tragic accident, she decided she could no longer let the grief consume her. She pointed out that when we are so caught up in our own pain and suffering, we tend to be self-absorbed. We cannot get out of our own way to move through the pain and make meaning from it.
Then she said something brilliant. She said, essentially, “If you want to teach the next generation how to overcome their mental health issues, you make them be of service. Go out and witness how other people are hurting. It puts your pain and privilege in perspective.”
So, with this advice, I encourage you to start small. Sometimes, the simplest acts of kindness can brighten someone's day. Hold the door for a stranger, compliment a coworker, or help a neighbor with their groceries.
These random acts create a ripple effect of positivity. When you embrace empathy, you inspire others to do the same. Compassion and understanding spread like wildfire, fostering a sense of unity and hope. In a world plagued by global conflicts, even the smallest acts of service can have an immense impact.
And remember dear readers, offer that same kindness to yourself.
Click here to learn more about grief counseling.
