On being sad, making plans and imagination
TOOLS
So this week I didn’t get to yoga for 10 days. I also didn’t walk in quiet, didn’t get much alone time, didn’t wake up early to meditate most days, nor journal.
And you know what? I felt sad. Like, really low and raw.
I had some stuff happen last weekend that was sorta traumatic. Like, husband passing out and seizing and having a moment of “he might die” traumatic. He’s okay. Turns out he cannot handle shock or blood or cutting his finger. But I didn’t process it fully when it happened and it carried over.
We know, I KNOW, that we have to process our traumas. I spoke with my therapist a few days later and finally cried. It was good and relieved some of that raw tension that I feel behind my nose when things start to build up. But then my body still felt tired, I had a twinge in my back and my mood just felt heavy.
Leading up to that traumatic event I had missed opportunities to clear out some of my usual stressful clutter. Then after the event still kept missing the opportunities. Or not creating the opportunities. Because, and here’s the cycle we catch ourselves in, I was feeling tried, dragging, low and generally unmotivated.
This is how and why we burn out, rage out, react, get depressed, have panic attacks, binge, numb out, avoid, scroll, and beat ourselves up. It’s a pretty simple downward spiral.
Although we may be aware of the stress inflicting us and we may even talk about it and “let it out”, we must, must, must physically release it from our ourselves on a cellular level. I know that what I need most days (because most days carry “small t traumas”) is a good cry on my yoga mat for like 90 seconds. I need to move. I need to sweat a little. I need to feel the release.
Remember, find the releasing tool that works for you and stick to it. This is both for prevention and for response.
GRATITUDE
Okay, so other than obviously being grateful that my husband is okay (albeit sore with stitches), there’s been a rumbling for me that has been going on since January. I’ve felt a push towards exploring deeper meditations, deeper connections with my own inner experience and with energy around me. To be honest, it’s totally shook me.
But, in quieting and listening I’m going towards a path of more awareness and it feels like an awakening to truth, purpose and alignment. I’m also embracing the unknown so much more. As Reset approaches her 3rd Birthday, I have reflected on how little I expected where we are right now. Gosh, truly, who could have really predicted a global plague?! Well, I get that is now questionable.
One mantra I’ve been into lately and fits with my ever-present chant of “Trust and surrender” is this. And so in those moments of anxiety, fear, worry…I lean into this. Because even in the hard moments looking back it’s usually the truth.
INNOVATION
I watched The Wisdom of Trauma documentary this week and it was incredible. Trauma is becoming so much more understood by mainstream and I am so grateful for it. My favorite, favorite understanding we can have is: “It is not what is wrong with someone, it is what happened to them”.
I find, however, that so many people cannot accept the accountability for what has happened to them or what they may have caused to have happen to someone else. This is NOT to create a victim mentality but rather to create a compassionate culture where we look at one another with so much more empathy and humanity and at ourselves with empowerment and choice to do better.
It’s also where we start, at a younger age, by examining our own traumas, our intergenerational and multi-generational traumas and how we may be able to heal and find resiliency in spite of them so we do not pass down our traumas to the next generation.
I’m very passionate about helping parents, new parents and soon to be parents preventatively overcome what happened to them so that they can be the best parents they can be to their kids. Because I deeply know that is what we all want: to be a good parent. I also know what we all fear as parents is screwing up our children.
We are THRILLED to be redesigning our Family Reset program to include now SIX sessions with our Consultants and also provide follow along video modules for the parents, created by me and my leadership team. We have realized that too often families think we can just “fix the kid” and all the problems go away. Sorry, that doesn’t work! We want to offer more systemic support.
So, starting in August our Family Reset is getting a revamp and all families that book will get access to our library of video content aimed at helping parents understand not only what their child is learning but also helping the parent understand their own obstacles to then better help themselves so they can help their kiddo.
FEELS
My oldest turns four this week and I am learning every day how to be a better mama, through him. Last week he kept asking, “Mama, play with me”. And I was cooking dinner, trying to keep the baby away from the Tupperware and answering a crisis phone call from a therapist in need. And while he wanted me to play, what he needed was my attention.
Mother Teresa once said, “If you want to change the world, go home and love your family.”
And I feel that. I feel that when I’m rushing and busy and pulled into meetings and working long hours. I know from studying trauma, child development and shame that we need strong attachment, loving attention and quality time. I also know that materialism, capitalism and the American Dream have put so much stress on families and people that we are constantly chasing more, comparing and striving that it feels impossible to get off the hamster wheel. I am compassionate for the boring newborn days and monotony of being at home while also feeling the burnout of working parents trying to provide for their families and missing moments at home. I missed Ellis’s first “running steps” this week because I was at physical therapy because of concussion treatment. It sucked. That sucks. Some things just suck.
But I also know that when I do have time, I’m going to choose the people that fill me up. I’m going to choose the friends that give and take with equal vulnerability and connection. I’m going to be with the family members that are honest and unconditional. I’m going to play with my kiddos, snuggle and laugh.
Time is finite but we can make the most of it if we are living for ourselves and not for pleasing others, playing games or trying to show a certain image to the world.
So I guess this week, love harder and release the stuff and people that do not serve you… and trust it’ll all work out even better.
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