TGIF | Finding Peace in Chaos: How to Ground Yourself and Help Others During Uncertain Times
This article is part of our weekly TGIF newsletter series. To get these in your inbox weekly, sign up below:
Dear Community,
I saw a beautiful post the other day, shared by a dear friend and community member, that stopped me in my tracks. This post expressed something that I had been feeling but couldn’t put into words, something my husband and I were circling but unable to name.
As we approach a major election, the world feels unstable, tenuous, and chaotic. As we approach a major election, many of us feel restless and anxious about the future. I’d like to explore how we can cultivate personal peace, even amidst uncertainty, and use that peace to support those around us. Stay with me…I think you’ll be able to take bigger breaths by the end.
Dysregulation is a Normal Response
Grief, worry, and fear…right now are very appropriate feelings. The other day, I talked to a colleague who had a client sharing her doomsday fears. My colleague stated how difficult it was for her to stay present and regulated because her client’s fears are also her fears. It’s hard to get space from the anxieties and worries of our communities, friends, loved ones… even strangers during global and national events that touch everyone. It’s only natural to pick up on the collective anxiety and feel unsteady yourself.
You Can Have Boundaries with Other’s Fear
During COVID, when I was with clients experiencing the same fears as I was (especially with a newborn at home!), it was so hard for me to politely re-direct the conversation. People were really suffering - we all were - so I noticed myself joining in their pain because, yes, I felt it, too. Since then, I have learned that I can practice boundaries even though it is my job to listen.
One way to set a boundary is to gently steer conversations away from panic by offering an alternative focus, such as discussing coping strategies or engaging in grounding exercises together.
The doomsday mentality is not good for anyone, so I generally offer the client to zoom out. Instead, we can focus on their prior resilience, present-oriented somatic exercises, shift to what we know right now, and dip into meditation. This isn’t meant to be dismissive. Instead, it’s a mindful redirection to what is true right now, the here and now. You can offer this to anyone in your life, even when you’re not being paid to listen ;)
Growing Our Collective Capacity
When we shift to the here and now, we create space to hold all our feelings; rather than moving from a heightened and dysregulated state, returning to our center of calm restores a sense of curiosity and perspective. When we tune into the present moment, we can use helpful mantras of noticing, like I am alive. I am breathing. I am okay right now. I am safe. My feet are on the ground. The sun is on my face. The temperature is soothing…
For example, when you notice yourself feeling overwhelmed by external chaos, try pausing and taking five deep breaths, focusing on the sensations in your body. Or gently guide someone else to do the same when they seem unsteady.
By allowing our capacity to grow just a bit, we’re expanding our sense of calm and peace, which can be shared energetically. Society doesn’t do well when everyone believes the sky is falling. If you can be the one with a bit more spaciousness to offer your regulation to someone else’s dysregulation, we can better support each other.
Your Peace is Your Power And Privilege
For some of you, you may feel okay right now. You may feel like no matter what happens, your personal life won’t be impacted. Take a moment to recognize that feeling at peace during times like these is a gift, something not everyone can access right now. Breathe. You haven’t done anything wrong, nor are you at fault for this privilege.
So often, we feel guilty about our privilege and join in others' pain that is not ours. We think it’s helpful to commiserate and join in despair, anger, and turmoil. But those who are acutely in pain and fear do not need your camaraderie; they need your regulation.
Joy is contagious and a gift to be cherished while offered to others. You diminishing your joy because others are in pain serves no one.
Serve as a Resource
Here’s the call to action: can you use your resilience and regulation as a resource to help?
Think of your current peace and ability to regulate as your superpower. If you can be calm, consider sharing it with those you know feel less safe and secure. Offer to listen, offer to hold space for them. Just show up in circles as a beacon of stability and light. Without saying a thing, simply being an essence of peace can touch others. Can you offer to check in with someone feeling overwhelmed, or share a moment of calm by sitting together in silence, or even taking a mindful walk? Small acts of presence can create a ripple effect of peace.
We can instill hope, activation, advocacy, and wisdom from a regulated state. For those who cannot, use your peace to serve, your joy, and your freedom to express yourself as you move from that anchored place. The world does not need more despair.
Remember that your calm and joy can be a lifeline in these moments. Together, we can create a network of peace, even in turbulent times.
Thank you, thank you. You are not alone. I see you, each of you, in your pain and power.
This week’s Tools, Gratitude, Innovation, Feels
Tools
A few books I’ve found as helpful tools during more anxious times:
"The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk: A great resource for understanding how trauma and stress impact the body, and how we can heal through mindfulness and somatic practices.
"Radical Acceptance" by Tara Brach: This book helps with practicing self-compassion and mindfulness, two powerful tools for calming anxiety.
"The Places That Scare You" by Pema Chödrön: Offers guidance on embracing vulnerability and discomfort in times of fear and uncertainty.
Gratitude
A way to turn to what is good and here right now is often through a somatic practice. I love these resources for helping me get there when reciting my gratitude is not enough:
Headspace or Calm: Both apps provide guided meditations and mindfulness exercises, perfect for anyone who wants practical tools to manage anxiety in the moment.
Insight Timer: A free app with a wide range of meditation practices, from short breathing exercises to longer, more reflective meditations. There are also specific tracks for calming election-related stress.
Grounding Techniques: One of my favorites is the "5-4-3-2-1" technique (acknowledging 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can feel, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste), which can help you re-center during moments of anxiety.
Innovation
I want to write more about this, but the new Netflix documentary, Join or Die, was fascinating. The premise is that our democracy is at great risk when our social capital dwindles; this is our social engagement and community responsibilities towards one another. One innovative way to re-engage in these technologically fueled days is to join a club. It’s a simple idea, but as Dr Robert Putnam shares, it profoundly maintains community order and stability.
Feels
My yoga teacher shared this week a phrase, “everything has purpose, if you let it”. Something that gives me peace alongside the anxiety in challenging experiences is the idea that nothing goes away until it teaches us what we need to know. I choose to believe in a great lesson, for all humanity, in every discord and upheaval - an opportunity to learn and do better. I cannot control the timing, but I can trust in the process. Again, peace is a privilege and a power.